her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
