oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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