did you get engaged???
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
