margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
