I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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