shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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