Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
