How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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