I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
