Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
