Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
