nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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