never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
