Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
