I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
