And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
