Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
