I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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