he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
