he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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