dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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