I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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