Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
