I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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