me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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