did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
it's like heaven, but drunker
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
