Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
