you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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