what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
FUCK WHALES
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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