I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
