JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
