her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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