areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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