i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
