I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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