I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
