you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
