I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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