Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
