found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
