At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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