he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
