can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
