Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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