talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
