ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
