Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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