U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
