What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
