I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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