I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
