Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
