I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
