I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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