I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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