He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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