The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
