It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize