I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
