No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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