did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
