How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
third nipple confirmed
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
