Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
