He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
