How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
