Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
