I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
