Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
