I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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