I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
